“Keep going, self.”

IMG_2747Know that sadness and depression is a legitimate emotion.

It comes with the acceptance that the world has a tendency to slit and spill your guts over hazy flashbacks of who you once were.

Do not fret over the fact that besides the fun you had all day as a kid, your diary entries were always peppered with thoughts of self-loathing and discontentment.

Do not feel sorry if your feet brought you to a city alone in the middle of the night only to sit by the shore and cry over Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda; the beat of the rap song landing punches to your chest and exploding any grief nestling there bottled for months.

Do not feel bad if you can’t even trust evenings because the comfort it supposedly brings somehow can’t put you to sleep anymore.

Do not let other peoples’ body shaming words get to your head when you eat too much or do not eat at all. They do not know what other things depression so casually drags in the picture as if the image of you juggling past everything is a masterpiece waiting to be framed and hanged in the living room for decoration.

Do not be ashamed if it most likely visit with the intention to stay when you are at your happiest, the low refrain trailing through every food trip, every movie in the cinema, every pillow fight with your little brother or every knock-knock joke shared with the people you love.

Even without proper diagnosis (which is either because you never tell anyone in the family or consulting a psychiatrist is too expensive), despite all social stigmas to the contrary, or people calling you overacting or just plain pessimistic, know that what you’re going through is REAL.

However, as much as you’re entitled to feel, refrain from feeding off it.

Refrain from visiting abandoned homes in the eyes of people who meant the world to you.

Refrain from mentally murdering yourself over every failure and unfortunate circumstance in which you have no control over.

Refrain from replaying the words of those who promised you safe haven in their arms over and over again but left in total silence.

Refrain from thinking your self-worth is synonymous to a water bucket with a gunshot wound or a support without wards.

Refrain from thinking you are weak. Turbulent skies bow before you.

And lastly, refrain from the urge to leave. Even if it’s as if painting the sky pink instead of blue or letting mud flow through your veins instead of blood, STAY. Look back and focus on the thousand reasons why you should.

Keep going, self.


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